21 Days of Abundance Day 5

Deepak Chopra 21 Day Meditation Challenge Day 3

Deepak Chopra 21 Day Meditation Challenge

I have been asked to complete a 21 day meditation challenge, set by Deepak Chopra.
I have never done this before but thought I would give it a go, and see if I benefit.

What have I got to lose?

It only takes a few minutes each day!

I will let you know how I get on!

10 Therapy Questions to Get to the Root of the Problem

5 Ways To Listen Better

Taming the Inner Advice Monster!

Are You an Advice Monster?

Do you find that you are always wanting to give advice? Do you feel that your advice is often ignored and falls on deaf ears, leaving you a bit cross and frustrated? So what is the most successful way to give advice?

This is a subject I started reflecting on this week, after reading a book by Michael Bungay Stanier called The Advice Trap (2020).

Michael talks about 3 types of Advice Monster Personas. These are

1 “Tell-It.” This monster convinces you that the only way to add value to a situation is by being the leading authority, and always having the right answers. It loves hogging the spotlight and explaining,loudly, why its opinion is more important than anybody else’s.

2  “Save-It.” This monster is more subdued, which makes it harder to spot. Although “Save-It" types won’t jump on a soapbox to shout about their ideas,  they’re equally convinced that they hold all the solutions. In addition,  they believe that only they can save the situation, and it’s their moral responsibility to do so.

3 “Control-It”  This monster is quite manipulative. It wants to convince you to keep a tight grip on all things at all times, or risk plunging your world into chaos. It convinces you that others are not to be trusted, so you must bravely take control by yourself.

Can you relate to any of these Inner advice Monsters?

Can you identify any of these traits in yourself?

Who do you know that fits these descriptions?

Have you talked to other people about a personal situation - friends and colleagues - and then have them spout off at you, telling you exactly what to do, without really listening to you properly?

Perhaps they jumped in too soon, and so did not really listen to the full facts? Or perhaps you had a number of your own ideas, which your friend or colleague did not really explore with you, and just talked about their own solution, which did not feel comfortable to you? 

What is the Best Way to Give Advice?

In his book, Michael talked about the best way he felt this should be done. 

It involves stepping back a little, really listening, and asking open ended questions.

For Example

"What`s on Your Mind?"

How does that make you feel?

What else?

What is the real challenge here?

It involves getting a full picture and encouraging the other person to fully think it through.

Careful questions could also lead the other person to start coming up with their own solutions to the problems.

You could ask

"Have you considered.....?"

"What would happen if you.....?"

"Where else could you get some help with this?"

"How would you feel if you...?"

One of the reasons people do not appear to take our advice is the human instinct of Flight or Fight.

The brain is programmed to be on the alert for threats all the time and responds immediately to anything it detects as a possible threat.

In an uncomfortable situation, where someone feels challenged about their own ideas, overwhelmed with "advice" being given, they may start to feel threatened,start being defensive, stop listening, start withdrawing or just say "yes" to everything, to get away. 

In order to take on board new ideas or advice, people need to feel comfortable, safe and unthreatened.

You can do this by being empathetic, showing respect, being an equal partner in solving the problem and managing expectations.

This is also backed up by Peter Boghossian and James A Lindsay in How to have Impossible Conversations (2019).  The authors stated that “Impossible” conversations can be productive when they become collaborative and also People are much more likely to accept “self-generated” ideas than messages delivered by others. They also emphasized the importance of listening and using "open ended" questions. 

To your success!

Kate

HISTORY OF IDEAS - Wabi-sabi

At the heart of Japanese philosophy and wisdom lies a concept called ‘wabi-sabi’; a term which denotes a commitment to the everyday, the melancholic, the somewhat broken and the imperfect. It’s a term we need a lot more of in our lives.